Friday, 27 August 2010

You Can Give It To The Birds and Bees

Some people will know what I do for a living.  Basically I write proposals to people's creditors to get their debts sorted out.  Anyway - part of my job is to write a debt history for the person - explaining how they got into financial difficulty.  Sometimes, though, people want to write their own.  Here are a selection of my favourites.  All real.  None of them included in the final proposals!

  • My financial difficulties commenced in 2003 when I decided that my breasts were giving me depression.  I obtained a loan of £5,000 from AA Personal Finance to have them enlarged.  I spent the remainder of this loan on personal items.
  • I am Peter Davies.  The main cause of my financial difficulties can be summed up in two words:  Mrs and Davies.
  • Dear Jim - please remove all the stuff about how I got into financial difficulties by mismanaging my finances and living beyond my means.  I'm not sure that's true.  Basically, I just got into the habit of buying crap.  Does that make sense?
  • In 1998 we re-mortgaged our property for £90,000.  We spent the money on family holidays, Christmases and birthdays.  The new kitchen, bathroom and double glazing we were supposed to use it for just didn't happen.
  • Between 2000 and 2002 my wife an I obtained credit to a total of approximately £10,000 to pay for several courses of IVF treatment.  Our financial situation worsened in 2003 when our son was born.  At this time our household expenditure increased and we found we were no longer able to make payments to our creditors as and when they fell due.  We have relied on further credit since this time to meet the shortfall.
  • Jim - you say that I have received treatment for my drug and gambling addictions.  I haven't.  I still do drugs.  Is it okay to still say that?
  • I have spent money on credit since it was made available to me to compensate for the fact that I hate my life.
  • Jim - I got a loan in 2008 for a car.  In 2009 I decided it was too red, so I crashed it into a bollard.  The insurance didn't cover the loan so I thought if I was going to be in debt anyway I might as well get some more and buy something nice.  I bought a hot tub and a conservatory to put it in.  Then I realised I couldn't pay for them.  That's when I decided to see if I could try to get away with not paying some of it.  That's when I came to you.  Can you make that sound not quite so dodgy, do you think?
So.  Happy Pride weekend, everyone!  Max those credit cards out on being totally faboo! xx

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